So, today (yesterday technically) is my new all time low for my career. I should know by now that when things look like they are going well, it means the whole thing will blow up in my face. I enjoyed exactly one week of solely being a pharmacy supervisor again. Not that I haven't been doing that all along these past few years. I've also been wearing numerous other hats a well. Yes, I'll be a staff pharmacist, pharmacy manager, payroll person, hiring person, firing person, flu shot giver, bitch at me because I do the scheduling person. You get my drift.
So today someone gives their notice and I am once again back to being the jack of all pharmacy trades. And I cried. I never cry. I am not one to be short sighted. I see the big picture, not just today, but what I want to be doing five years from now. The only major problem, my picture seems to be getting farther and farther away. I'm disgusted, mad, pissed, depressed, and I feel totally adrift. The sad thing is I actually understand the reasoning behind having to go to this store. I'm the best person for the job. That almost makes it more difficult. I'm always the team player, even at my own expense. I made no effort to hide my disappointment to my boss. But you know what real life is a bitch and we can't all have it our way.
I had plans for going back to school in the spring. I know, that is a totally separate post. Seven years wasn't enough, I'm looking for more punishment. I've been wanting to go back for some time to work on finishing my undergraduate degree in Spanish and work towards integrating this into my job. So put that on hold, again.
I feel like I'm becoming one of those jaded individuals who never gets excited about anything anymore because I'll always be waiting for the other shoe to drop. I let my guard down and actually let myself get excited about learning something new with my job. Maybe even having some time to myself while I was at it. If I seem withdrawn or cranky this week, just know that I need to mope and deal with this. I'll have to have the best of the best A game to get this store rolling and I need to get this out of my system. And did I mention I need to do all this by Monday?
To finish up my rant. If you tell an employer during an interview that they won't regret hiring you........you're full of shit. And if anyone ever hears that during an interview and they look to good to be true, run the other way. Twenty years in the business and I'm a hundred times better person let alone pharmacist than she is. Maybe I should write my own book? Tenatively titled, "Guess what, you're full of shit and 101 other reasons why you can't hack it as an independent retail pharmacist" Really, I think I could be on to something here. It would save so many people valuable time.
Sorry for the negativiy that is dripping from this post. I needed to talk this thing out. I think I can sleep now.
6 comments:
sorry to hear all that, you know I'm always up for a beer or four if you ever want to vent!
Thanks Josh. I just felt very anti social last night. I may get that bottle opener sooner than I thought eh? And wow, 5:17am? What are you doing up at that hour?
I got back from the bar around 1:30, fell asleep watching a movie downstairs and had just woken up and was in the process of going to back to sleep in my own bed (which is not always easy after a 3.5 hour nap)
It sounds like things are pretty rough right now, but I know you'll pull through.
I know exactly what you're talking about when you say that you're a big picture person. It really is tough when you see the endgame but you aren't sure how (and if) you're really going to get there. It is so frustrating when you think you have all the next steps and moves figured out and then your world gets all shaken up. I really, really can identify with that right now. Sometimes it seems that the light isn't there at the end of the tunnel, but it definitely is. I couldn't get through the day if I felt otherwise. The light is there at the end of the tunnel for you too.
Don't lose sight of your hopes and dreams. You can achieve those things and you deserve those things. You'll get there. You've got a lot of great people around to push you, pull you, carry you, and even drag you along when you need it.
Best of luck getting through this rough patch. Take care!
Sorry things decided to go so bad for you at the moment. I totally love your book idea though! And your title rocks! I can see it on the bookstore shelf now. I agree that it's difficult to go slogging through the muck and crap of the "other" stuff you have to do at work and that it's difficult to see the future from that perspective. I'm sorry you have to delay your back to school plans. I'm sure that makes it even tougher to deal with everything you have to deal with now. I've been there, going day to day putting out fires that before you know it so much time has lapsed that you wonder what the heck happened. I wish I could be there to open a cold one with ya, but I'll have to do it virtually.
Thanks guys! I'm feeling better about the whole thing today. I'm not "over it" if you will, but I'm making progress.
Ted, it sucks that you unfortunately know exactly what I'm referring to. I guess we just need to adjust our focus to get the picture back to where it needs to be. I hope things start improving for you as well.
dw, you can always have a long distance beer for me!
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